I started monthly recaps last year, as a way for me to try self reflect and celebrate the achievements of the month. It sounds silly but so many of the time they tend to just fly by and I don’t really appreciate them as much as I should. However, my January recap is a little different because it wasn’t just a whirlwind of work. If anything it was a bit weird to adjust to not being rushed off my feet and working. Let me explain:
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I used to avoid beach holidays like the plague. Not because i didnt like the water. I love jumping around in the sea & being slapped by waves. I love being in the pool. BUT I was so ashamed of my body. The focus was always on covering up my booty & my chunky thighs. I was always in shorts or sarongs and worrying about my legs being on display. Late last year I went to @goldcoasttansa & had a proper swimsuit fitting. I loved my new cossies & @victoriadelima1 told me not to cover up. She assured me everyone on the beach is FAR more concerned with their own insecurities. So this holiday I’ve sucked it up & dropped the shorts. I’ve spent hours playing in the waves & walked along the sand reminding myself that no one is looking. Chatting to my friends (whose bodies I envy) they feel (SURPRISE) the exact same way with their own insecurities. We’re mad to be so worried about bodies that are able & work for us, jiggly bits & all. I’m also feeling strong which has helped me be brave & drop the shorts. Doing a 30 min @gametotrain work out every morning while on vaccay has helped. @itsjuliahardy has me sweating 😅 but feeling far more athletic and happy that I’m working on making my body even more able. Chunky thighs and all! Usual tech and gaming content resumes next week 😂 #techgirl #beachbum #southafrica #bodypositive #honormycurves #goldenconfidence #meetsouthafrica #loveyourself #allbodiesaregoodbodies
I decided to take a week off in the same week everyone else headed back to work. After a chilled festive period we headed to St Lucia for the week to get away. I still remember packing and just being completely stressed out because I couldn’t decide if I should take my laptop along or not. Seriously, that was a thing. I was so worried because everyone else was coming back to work and I was adamant I was going to “miss” something. I ended up leaving it at home and, guess what? Didn’t miss a thing. Actually being offline for a while was a really good way to just detox.
ALL the esports
When I got back I went 100% into writing a bunch of content for Red Bull Esports. I really want to focus on improving my writing this year and adding more value in the content I produce. I’m really happy with what has gone out in January. Here’s a quick recap, all of these articles are on Redbull, if you click the headlines it will take you to the articles:
My own platforms
I’ve been pushing out a lot of YouTube content thanks to Trinoc who has come on board to help me film and edit. Rather than share all the videos (there has been a few), I wanted to share my 2020 showreel with you. This one was edited by the incredible AlternaTV who I wrote about last week, in how to make money from your YouTube channel:
Watching this back was a bit emotional for me. It’s really hard to wrap my head around how much I was able to accomplish in 2019. Obviously now, looking at it I’m immensely proud and also critical (I need to work on so much!) but it really does feel like a big achievement to get so much done. On a personal note, looking at it now it was an even bigger achievement because of where I was mentally. 2019 was a tough year for me, I found out I was sick and would need to be on meds for the rest of my life and I also spiralled into a really bad place in my head. I know everyone harps on about mental health and sometimes it feels like it is being glamourised by those wanting to grab more engagement or following. I’m not sharing this for that, but rather because I’m using this post as my own self reflection. I think it is normal when we live life online and require validation, views and clicks to pay the bills that we’ll inevitably find ourselves struggling. Our self worth (and income) is measured completely on how strangers on the internet view us. That isn’t normal or healthy. I’m still struggling, but hoping that this year I can find more clarity and a way to move away from this insane need for approval and praise.
And that’s my first recap done! I’ll try do one each month this year, for me and for you.