I’ve been back at work for two weeks and already the internet has blessed (#blessed) us with Goop #NewYearNewYou recommendations, a food trend that needs to stop right now, fun facts that will blow your mind, an important #Januworry tip and more. I hope you’re hungry ? because this is the first edition of Bytesized for 2018!
? ?Trend to die: crosushi
We are not even two weeks into 2018 and we already have what my co-worker called an “awful abomination”. Crosushi is what you get when you place sushi inside a croissant because why not?
? ? Gwyneth ‘Goop’ Paltrow has gone too far
And by too far, I don’t mean the jade egg in your vagina, I mean the DIY coffee enema and whatever else may come in 2018. It’s enough and it needs to stop. FFS.
"Put a jade egg in your hoo-ha."
"Gwyneth, no."
"Coffee enema."
"Seriously, Gwyneth, c'mon."
"Eat three rubies in a ruby smoothie and an elf will arrive to open your Sex Chakras."
"What the fuck, Gwyneth."
"Feed a stolen baby to a cunning wolf at midnight–"
"GWYNETH, NO." https://t.co/POfpvQpGmY
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 7, 2018
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? This is so millennial
#Januworry is a real thing because we now have an official hashtag (obviously) and here is my millennial-friendly tip:
If you're worried about the price of avos this #januworry, buy a tub of guac instead (R25) . That way you can still have your avo on toast like a true millenial. 🥑🥑🥑 #JanuWorrySurvivalTips pic.twitter.com/ElUCcMaawe
— Just Jade (@galoobzzz) January 9, 2018
Millenials. Walking around like they rent the place.
— Spence (@SpenceDen) January 3, 2018
SEE ALSO: the 6 phases of going back to work after a long holiday
???Michael Buble goes undercover as a South African
This really cracked me up. There is nothing quite like the South African accent and Buble does an amazing job! Watch until the end when people realise it is actually Michael Buble.
? ? Badger milk because we’re gonna party like its 2001
I’m trying to make badger milk a thing, so bear with me here. Whenever we make coffee, I am the unofficial check-to-see-if-the-milk-is-off person. I refer to off milk as badger milk, because of this scene from The Animal (a dumb but hilarious Rob Schneider movie).
TL;DR
And finally, two amazing fun facts that you can impress your friends with…
?? Kenny G is the reason we have frappuccinos
Kenny G suggested the Frappuccino to Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz. (Photo: Micah Sittig.) pic.twitter.com/TuYrDHIyy6
— Quite Interesting Facts (@qikipedia) January 8, 2018
??? The Hoff performed at the fall of the Berlin Wall
I knew he was big in Germany but this… this is quite a catchy tune.
Still here? Then go back in time and check out the best of 2017 Bytesized edition.
