Now there are a few Twitter crimes we all have committed as Twit Noobs, but some of us – yes I’m look at you Kim K – are still making these mistakes. This stops now ladies, nobody likes crap on Twitter (I like to call it Trap).
1. #Using #Too #Many #Hashtags. Seriously, just stop. Stick with two, cause #nobody #cares that you’re #blessed. Or that you have #cake. We are not #jealous. #I’ll #stop #now.
2. Tweeting what you just ate. You might as well tell your followers what came out of the other side dude. And guys, when did nom nom nom even become a thing?
3. Complaining about your job. First of all, you should never post negative things about your job or boss on social media, you can get your ass fired. Remember that you carry the image of the organisation you work for, and if you say it sucks, people will think “Oh one of its employees even says their food is made by enslaved hobbits, so I’m not buying their food until they release Frodo.”
4. Asking for Retweets “I just peed, please RT!” No. #Ew.
5. Fitness boasting “Just ran 20km, swam 10Km and saved the world 9 times.” Thanks Superman, you’re so modest.
6. Using hashtags like #bliss or #blessed. C’mon guys, life really isn’t THAT great. You have to work, you can’t eat whatever you want and you can’t live on wine and chocolate. Even when you are a kid, life is pretty sucky. You are short and you can’t reach things. Let’s not lie to ourselves.
7. Saying how busy you are. Yeah, you are soooo busy, you just HAD to take time out of your busy schedule to just tell us how busy you are, and that you don’t really have time for Twitter, but you really can do everything you Superhero you.
8. Saying something that makes no sense at all. You know when something happens and you are completely heartbroken and you just Tweet “heartbroken”? But nobody knows what the hell you are talking about? Yeah, it usually is about men or your BFF. In our crazy minds we think men stalk us just as much as we stalk them on social media, so we post things like “I just can’t even” or “I can’t believe that happened” or “Wow. Just wow.” And there’s only one person who is meant to see it, but most likely he doesn’t, and even if he does, he doesn’t get it. SO, maybe we should just stop and go back to the old days when we slashed their tires. Just me? K.
9. Saying “THIS IS SO BREAKING THE INTERNET”. Your cat sitting in your fridge is pretty funny, but it’s no Ellen Oscar selfie, so cool it. Haha, cool it. Get it? Cause, fridge… Never mind.
10. Tweeting baby pics. You love your baby, he/she is the miracle of life! We are sick of seeing “Baby John taking his 54th bath! *pic*” Just stop.
I'd love to chat to you some more.
I usually send out a weekly mailer with a recap of blog posts but also some personal anecdotes. If you want to know about competitions or just catch up in a more personal setting then you might like to receive the mailer.