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How To Be A Hit On Twitter

We all want a trillion Twitter followers who tweet us obscenities like we’re Justin Bieber, right? You want to be the Social Media Queen, the Guru – like everyone’s bio’s says they are. Ah the good life. Before we begin this very delicate process, I want you to look at this very funny pic from an interview with that woman who’s in all the 2015 movies.

Shailene Woodley interview
Shailene Woodley interview

Now, we all know how hard it can be when you only have 140 characters to describe the best day of your life, or just your meal… and you have to Tweet a pic with it and what about a hash tag?? It can drive a woman mad you know, sitting there deciding which grammar mistake you’re going to commit to fit in #KeepOnKeepingOn. And that is just a Tweet, a bio is MUCH worse. How the hell do you sum yourself up in 160 characters (thanks a lot for the extra 20 characters Twitter, BTW). It kind of feels like an interview for your life, and you’re just not #winning. But do not fret, here’s a few steps to help you build that perfect profile:

Step 1: ALWAYS have a bio.
If Tweeps see you don’t even have a bio, they will assume your twitter feed is just as boring. Typing out a bio is the perfect procrastinating–from-work action you know? I’ve changed mine over 100 times, shifting commas.

Step 2: Nobody likes an egg
People with no profile pics doesn’t get followed. Everyone thinks you are a fake account or ugly. So take that feel good selfie and put it on the Twitter!

Step 3: Have a KILLER bio
If it’s cool, people are probs going to follow you back on Twitter. Start at the beginning: What do you do? What do you like? What’s your hobbies? Are you a serial killer? Are you in search of The Shire? Are you Luke’s Father? The usual. Also mention your place of work in your account, so when people search your work place, your account will also pop up, BAM! If you work from home, mention DSTV.

So you’ll end up with something like this:
“Billionaire. Genius. Philanthropist.”
Oh wait no, that’s Tony Stark, and that’s never going to be you. So here are a few of my personal faves, for reference.

1. Anna Kendrick
We loved Anna in Pitch Perfect, and she once had a tweet where “Cinema”, “50 Shades of Grey” and “Masturbate” was all in one sentence. ‘nough said.

Anna Ken
Anna Kendrick

2. Lord Voldemort
The-One-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named is a must for any Twit. Also, now we know who Christina Perri was singing about.

Lord V-Dawg
Lord V-Dawg

3. John Cleese
The dad in the hearts of all the 90 (early early, maybe late 80’s) kids, just sweetly reminding us he’s still alive. #Ahw

John Cleese
John Cleese

4. Not Mark Zuckerburg
His bio is just so relatable, you know?

Not Mark Z
Not Mark Z

5. Ellen Degenerous
Ellen just sums up that perfect Twitter bio. The who you are, what you do, and something sharp or funny – cause funny people gets more followers – it’s scientifically proven (by me).

Ellen
Ellen

6. And then, Conan O’ Brien.
I can’t stop laughing at that. Showing you the more famous you get, the smaller your bio gets. Jimmy Kimmel’s bio only says “eccentric billionaire” and is a picture of his head photoshopped onto a baby. He’s living the dream alright. (Literally, his net worth is in the million, not billion).

Conan
Conan

And if you can’t think of a Twitter bio, just write from the heart. Think about how you’re always spreading smiles, mine would be “Spreading smiles like Herpes”.

Step 4: Tweet at least once a day
Be ACTIVE on Twitter, if you don’t Tweet or interact with people you follow, you won’t be much of a hit. Tweet about anything, see what’s trending and share your opinion or Tweet your starter at Mcdonald’s (small cheeseburger) and then your lunch (family box meal).

Step 5: If you do or write anything cool, or get mentioned on the internet, share it on Twitter
Okay, that sentence sums it up, but you’ll get more interactions that way. Promise.

Step 6: Use hash tags
Hash tags are there for a reason. So we all can see what everyones’ cats look like. That, and so we can all chat about the same topic. So let your thumbs get some action!

Do you have a favourite Twitter profile you’ve seen? 

I'd love to chat to you some more.

 

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