dating1

The Dating Game

Awesome date? Check.

Awkward moment outside your door… should you invite him, what should you say, what now?

Psssht, Tech Girl’s got you covered. Here’s how you end your “perfect” date and ace the dating game… by playing an actual game!

Step one: have an amazing date.

Step two: once the “date” activity is over and you move towards that awkward moment at your door, don’t use that silly old cliché of “care for a night cap”. Rather surprise your date with “care to have your ass handed to you in Mortal Kombat?”

This one works. Trust me.

Step three: The game of choice is really important. Choose wisely.

We’ve put together a clever little guide for you to match the perfect game to your date. I’ve selected four types of people for you to use as a reference. Find your date and you’ll find the game.

Hipsters:

They tend to hang around thrift shops way too much and some of them even smell a bit like moth balls, but hey, if you want to take things to the next level then best you whip out your old NES console and win their heart over with a good old game of Circus Charlie. The classic game of controlling a little wannabe midget clown by riding lions, jumping over monkeys and even performing trapeze acts. Game play is simple with single button commands and the best part, when you complete a level, thousands of little pixels cheer for you.  Everyone likes Circus Charlie, but hipsters, they go bat crazy for Circus Charlie. Your hipster date will fall so fast he’ll claim that he fell before falling was cool.

DATING2

Crossfit Addicts

You will know you are dealing with a Crossfit addict within the first two seconds of meeting this person. How? They will tell you… Over and over and over again. They would have also taken you to a restaurant that only serves Paleo meals. The match for this one is quite simple, these people are used to taking commands to perform physically against time, so make sure your Xbox Kinect is connected and ready to go. Chances are they will probably hand it to you with every single game from Bowling to Javelin and they might end up shouting at you if you play Kinect adventures as a team. Infrared technology means no worries of explaining how a controller works and they can just stand there and admire themselves in the Kinect sensor. Make sure you are willing to break a sweat for this one, or they might just break it off and that might hurt more than dropping for 50 burpees.

DATING3

Sports Fanatics

These are the dates that spend every waking minute tracking the log and making sure Liverpool is performing as they are supposed to and posting millions of statuses and tweets with #YNWA and #BEL19VE. You will know you are on a date with one of these folk because they will constantly be checking their SuperBru ranking on their phone and they will probably sit at a table where they can face a television. The match for this one? One word: FIFA. Nothing else, just FIFA. Don’t connect to the online server because your date will be on a flight to an actual football game by the time the server loads, just play a simple versus game. This will ensure that you are probably going to score in more ways than just one. Game. Set. Match.

DATING 4

Geeks and Gamers

My favorite type of them all… my own kind. Geeks and gamers are usually the ones that really make an effort to have a conversation with you without freaking you out by accidentally switching their lingo to Klingon. Whatever you do, never ask which superhero or game is the best, because you will offend them and then you will be considered a lifelong nemesis for asking such an offensive question. If your date doesn’t turn into a disaster, and you do end up with the decision of which game to choose, remember that no matter what game you choose, they WILL kick your butt. Your best option is to settle for Mortal Kombat or Guitar Hero, both games offer intense gameplay with multi-button command prompts and awesome two player options.  Now build up your star power and sweep them off their feet for the ultimate heart dropping fatality.

DATING 5

In case of disaster:

Should your date not even reach as far as paying for the bill, always remember that you can return to your little fortress and get lost in a game of Sims, where you can increase your chances of meeting the perfect significant other by literally designing and building them.  Also, if you want to sweep your digital match made in heaven (or game) off their feet with fancy belongings and cars and you don’t like the idea of working for money in a game environment, use a bit of a cheat (CTRL+SHIFT+C, motherlode).

DATING 6

Does your date not fit the above? Never fear. Tell me what they’re like in the comments section and I’ll match a game to your date for you. Happy gaming!

 

 

4 Comments

  • Reply plank sinatra (@hellospaceman) April 10, 2014 at 08:53

    This is really cool. Well written, and fun.

    • Reply lounatic999 April 10, 2014 at 12:53

      Thanks Plank. Feedback is always appreciated.

  • Reply Graeme Norval January 22, 2015 at 09:13

    This is a great little article. True story, I once asked a girl out because I heard she played Mortal Kombat. I didn’t know anything else about her at the time.

    • Reply Tech Girl January 22, 2015 at 10:51

      Sound judgement call I say.

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